I am now officially married to Felix and he will be here very soon, 15th April! We signed the paper on 30th Dec 2011, had a small relatives cum friends get together for the special occasion. Well.. eventually, it wasn't a small small thing that we've initially planned. It somehow got bigger and we had to book a location for get together. I'm glad that at the end of the day, everyone was happy, Felix and i had a great day. It was memorable. =)
Last year, I did 5.32m for long jump. =D Although it was just 3 jumpers. It felt like i was stronger back in Dec as compared to now. Anyways, I'm aiming something higer this year. I want to break the singapore record. I was to have something in Singapore before I leave Singapore. Although it's a big dream. I hope I can make it.
Talking about all these record breaking thingy. I cried in training today. I was late as I've to stay at work to make up the hours that i took last week for my competition. I did my usual warm up. Looked at the training program, as usual, not very sure of what to do, and so i decided to follow Felix's program, the monster circuit. Seriously, I dont know how to finish the full circuit. It's too tough and it really freaks me out. In a hot sunny weather of 33degree and a huge stadium with just a few people. It's really hard and tough. I cried after training and in between training. I cried because i couldnt believe how i cant finish the program. i was supposed to do 3 sets. I can only finish 1. Not competely 1. Low side lunges was tough. As it was 60m workout, I did a 30m to and fro. The first 30m was hard enough. I did manage to finish a 60m but had to rest my legs a few times. In a circuit, it requires 2 60m. I skipped the last 60m. I really cannot finish. Call me weak, call me lousy. I really cant. I just cant finish it. At the end of the first circuit. My legs were shaking even when i stand up. With the freaking hot weather today, it wasnt helpful at all. My body felt competely shagged. These are days where training doesnt seems to make you feel gd and actually make you feel bad.
I have to admit that i'm really very lonely training alone. Yes. I found my peace but sometimes, i need someone to be there to train together.. someone that can give me a gd pace. Seriously speaking, I have restricted myself from eating junk. But it just doesnt seem to be enough. And with all the other thoughts and talks, sometimes, it's really tiring. I know it's gd for my body and of course my training. But sometimes, it's just too much.
Today a bad thought just strucked me. "Do i really want to be a professional atheletic?" And with all the recent lousy jumps. I really feel very upset. I wish that i could talk to someone about it but no one really seem to understand. I mean i sometime find it hard to understand myself but at this point of time, I am really thinking. 2 yrs for me to make it and break it. AM I UP TO IT?
Well, when most people think that i can make it good, i think otherwise. I want to have confidence in myself. But it's hard. Maybe it's the way that i was brought up. Being always compared to my bro in academic (they never compare my sports at all), obviosuly I lost miserably. And i guess, it had shaped my deepest darkest thought that i'm always not gd? I dont know. But I tried to be have confidence in myself but most of the time, i failed. I've thoughts about how badly i'll do for competition. =( I guess inner thoughts is hard to change. It has build up over the years. argh.. It's killing me.
What should i do?
2 weeks is almost passing by quickly. Luckily I have extended my leave; I will be staying in Canada till August. I have just applied for voluntary position in Calgary wildlife reserve society. I hope I can get a position and start doing something. It’s exciting to think about it even before I am selected. So I’ll keep my finger cross. I’ll try to apply at other places to increase my chances. Or maybe I should start calling people too! =)
This is the first time ever in my life that I have been cooking so much! Haha! But I think it gets better everytime I cook because you practice more. Finally, 26yrs of my life, I KNOW HOW TO COOK RICE! Hahahhaa!! Ya.. I am extremely excitied and happy about it because I felt embarrasses for not knowing how to make rice! =P While I was so happy doing this for the ‘first time’, I was a little upset when Felix told me not to be a “housewife”. Of course my immediate respond was, “I don’t want to be a housewife!” Arrr.. Although he thanked me for making dinner that day, it didn’t help much when he added on talking about my nutrition again! ARrrr!!!
Anyways, other than those volunteering, cooking, track training, I’ll be taking part in Competition!!! =D hehehe.. YESH! Rich (Felix’s Coach) had signed me up for some events in some of the track meets. I am looking forward to all the competitions although my body might not adapt well to the cooling weather and also the fact that we’re in a different time zone. I just knew today that my competition this coming Saturday will be 10am. That would means that it’s 12mn for me! I guess 12mn is not so bad as compared to maybe 4am in the morning right? =P My virgin overseas competition!!!!
All these competition means a lot to me. I need to do my best. My time is running out. I’m not sure about the future because I am not going to stay in Prime for a long time. When I change my job, that would means my timing would change and any other things would change too. Arrr…
I miss Jack a lot. I misses his whining, his ‘blur’ look, him dashing towards me when I’m home showing me his furry tummy and running at high speed around the house because he was happy. I wonder somehow will Jack ever adapt well to Canada weather. Hmm..
Yesterday I called mum n dad and i was calling for Jack. When i whistle, he immediately remember that sound and tried looking for me at the door and dash to my room n to the kitchen. Felix said that im torturing the dog. It hurts to see Jack too coz I do miss him alot too!! And of course he whine.. aRrrrr..Jack..
Only 5 weeks left. =(
Arrrr... Cant really slp again..So much things on my mind. Unfinish work and it just keep on adding more n more. 6 more days to seeing him..But I dont really feel good. Well.. it's not about not happy seeing him but it's about the things that I'll be leaving behind in Prime for 7 weeks. So many things can happen within this period... Why am i worrying so much when i'm not going to stay in that company forever?? Weird.. I guess when i'm really troubled, I'll usually writes... There's so much that a person can understand you. Even I felt that talking to him is not going to help me for now. Although he is neutral, which is something good, but sometimes it doesnt really help much. All i need right now is just someone to tell me or reassure me that everything is going to be alright.
Recently, I felt a little tension between one or two colleagues. But probably because my best friend already told me that some things. Someone wants to start a 'war' but there is no war at the moment. We dont want to play the "war" game because there's no need to. I dont understand why people would want to leave a company with a bad note and maybe creating politics among the staff? Probably ex-manager insisted that I've given up the information. When he thought about his plan, have he thought about the staff that were previously working under him and that they have work so hard to let Prime be what it is today? Prime being what it is today is not just him alone. It's everybody effort. How can he allow his own ambition to ruin the "workers" in Prime. It's sad that things have to happen this way and that he has to leave the company leaving all those undone jobs for us to finish it off for him and clearing up whatever mess he had created or left alone. arr.. Man.. Why on earth do we have LAZY people. I, seriously, cannot stand laziness, dirtiness, rudeness and "cunniness". Today he "slapped" me in the face and ask me if i'm the new manager or the president just because I wanted to ask for a contractor contact. ARrr... My goodnesssSSS!! I guess he is "too busy" to even think that the "tone"(SMS) that I've sent him was offensive. Anyways, I was a little off topic.. Well, colleagues seem to be more wary of what they say or speak their language, n being rude. Which is really sad for me because they already started judging me...in that sense.. hmm.. They just dont know that they are stepping into a graveyard. Time will prove everything. What lies underneath are the truth they will slowly see.. Everyone learn from experience. Some learn through the easy way n some learn through the hard way.
There's another thing that is sort of affecting me. My Best Friend. Will he still be my best friend? Obviously, he sees him in a different light. He thinks that he is in the next level of life. (which i think that he is wrong, and maybe he can be way better than him, simply bcoz his PR skill is better), and also because he is his brother. Will he even understand me nw? hai... and one thing for sure he doesnt know that he have been covering up with lies n lies... I guess he will never understand because he never work there.
Anyways, it's 2am in the morning.. I gotta get some slp! nite!
I had my Junior track training today.. it was fun and the training that i was giving the kids are getting better and better.. it runs like a class now.. =P YEAH! =D Sadly, i thought the caucasian might call me today and ask if their kids can join in the class but they did not.. it's a wasted opportunity for me and the kids... I wanted them to come because this give the kids opportunity to meet new people and make new friends and my group will become international!! Arrrr.. I really wished that they call... too bad..
Yesterday Ting and lee teck's wedding ran smoothly.. we were 15mins behind time but we were lucky because there's no auspicious time to follow! Ting was nice.. She got the sisters make up artist in the morning and in the evening.. So all the sisters were really pretty and doll up! =) Anyways, the wedding process was really emotional..Both the bride and the groom had teary eyes most of the time.. hehe... It's really nice to see the couple finally are together.. They were my poly friend.. =) Even since then, they had been dating each other for a long long time... =) I hope this will be the last time me being 'Sister' because I heard that it's not good to be 'Sister' for too many times...
I think Dad made mum upset this morning.. Well.. i guess he is back to his gambling habit.. and right now, if i'm not wrong, he is investing in Stocks and shares.. the recent one i heard was that he bought some stock/shares that his friend recommended...And supposedly it went up but drop after..So right now, they're losing money.. ARrrr.. I hate gambling... I hate him to gamble.. If he is gambling on his side cash, extra money, i dont really care... I'm not sure. Maybe mum is worrying too much? ANyways, it's their problem not mine. But sometimes it's just hurts to see mum sad.. why?
REcently I had a big fight with my brother. He is a piece of shit although Felix always says that nobody is a piece of shit...I really like the way he say it because it's just so CUTE! hehehe!! =P Anyways, it's just a small matter and that his temper suddenly escalate and he punched me. I jokingly insulted him and that he should pay back what he owes to dad because dad pay up all his bill voluntary and the righteous thing for him to ever do, was to pay him back ASAP but it's never the case because we'll always have to ask and ask and ask a million time before he returns. Anyways, that day was the first time ever he got so frustated and furious .. I can still remember that horrible look for his..His eyeballs were almost popping out and he just went crazy and hit me..Luckily mum was there to stop.. But sometimes i wonder what happened if we really fight and if i 'win' him.. That's the way Cesar deal with dogs that are crazy..He fought them and make sure they submit to him..I dont believe that i'll lose to my bro because i am strong and he just dont know how strong i am... and for him to even hit me was so wrong in the first place. Another thing is that since young, if you do not set the boundaries, rules and regulations, you might end up getting a lawsuit. Right now, it's almost time and he almost did. I did not turn him up to the police because I dont want too much trouble. But if he continues to behave like this, he is in the red zone case waiting for lawsuit. He hit me and shouted at me saying he is going to "kill" me. At that point of time, i have all rights to believe that he is going to kill me! When we were young, when we quarrel, dad was so frustrated but he decided to want to kill me instead of brother. He had the pillow covering my face and i just stopped. Maybe he thought i was dead and he quickly released the pillow. I know he dont mean too at that time and that he is just too frustrated but I remember this incident for the rest of my life. I was scare at that point too. Since young, i wa never good in my academics and maybe that's why the favour bro more than me but they never realised that by giving in to him all the time means that they're sending him to the red zone case. I heard from my cousin and Wanling that he's not popular among the nurses.
He always screamed and shouted at me saying that i'm useless. But he had forgotten that while my salary is the same as when he was in ARmy, he did not even give my parents any allowances. I did. He always uses 'future' to suppress me.. But in the end he is always using all those excuses to bullshit whatever or however good he is. Eg. He said that he pay for dad's operation bill and said that he is going to work more so that he can earn the money. But this is only what he says. And most of the time, he never did what he says.. arrr...He said that i was never caring to him and that Wanling was so much better than me. WTF. Period. Excuses. Are you comparing your gf to me? Right from the start, we were never so close, or even if so, do you expect people to be caring to you when you're so nasty to us? Not only scold us, call us names and think highly of himself and so self-centred? arrr...I only hope that he reflects on what he had done. I am saying so much because it's hurts more when he is supposed to be someone so close to you. My bro. I rather i had no bro.
After saying so much, maybe my childhood my life was the reason why i am so "man"? Or like what some of my ex-bf says..they think that i am the man and they are the girl. hahaha.. THe way i behave when it comes to man is less emotionally when i really want a clear cut? I dont know..tt's what they says...
Sometimes i wanted out of this life. This crazy family of mine. This family will never be happy again. It'll only be happy when there's only 3 of us and not 4. When the last incident happened, i wanted out.. I didnt want to go home anymore. If Jack wasnt around, i will pack my things and go. I dont know where i will go but i will go, leave the place and be somewhere else. I love my parents very much but i really cant live with the beast anymore. He is too horrible. I wish i had a home that is my own. Sometimes i wonder if i will ever have my own home own children. The 2 men that i lived with for 26yrs were so crazy. If I wasnt strong enough, maybe i would have end up killing myself. haha! I'm not sure. Every family has it's story. I had mine but I dont wish anyone to feel sorry for me but hopefully they learn something from it. For eg, should learn to eat humble pie and be nice to others? because you'll never know how much you hurt that person that is so closed to you?
I am actually worried about Wanling. It's just too soon to be able to see his true colors. Will he even hit her next time? =(
I just feel so unbalance at the moment.
Arrrr... .
Hi.. Finally i've got time to write. I realised that i havent write for such a long time. Time passed by quickly and soon my 3 weeks was over in Canada. Yup. I went to Canada during my term break and spent my christmas and new year with my love! =) It was a wonderful trip. I would say that we've well spent the 3 weeks together. What i meant was we really spent time together but did not focus on what i really should do. To find a job in Canada. Of course i would want to try something new. That is to move overseas and find a job that i want. =D
Before i go Canada, i had this bad feeling that something is going to go wrong. And true enough..i didnt get a visa because i had to pass by USA.. It was madness.. i had to buy the visa online on that day. The thing is that the air ticket was purchased online and so nobody knows if we need a visa..So..anyone reading this, and if you're a singaporean, you will need a visa if you want to go USA or if you are just passing by USA. Anyways, when i was at Seattle, i only had like 1hr 40mins to transfer my luggage to another plane and Seattle airport is more complicated. I had to transfer the sky train for 2 times before i finally reach my gate. Phew.. and of course i manage to catch my flight! =D
Well.. I was just worried that i cant get to Canada and nothing else because i just want to see my boyfriend! =D
After all this hassle and worries, i finally reached Calgary! YEs. But... at the baggage claim counter.. they forgot about my luggage.argh.. i had all my gifts in that bag.. In the end, the luggage was found and was sent to my bf's place.
Finally, i stepped out of the arrival hall.
He came to me, i was freezing cold.. and he wanted to kiss me on the lip.. BUT... I havent brush my teeth after a long 24hrs flight.. i was embrassessed! i felt bad too seriously.. because i wanted to kiss him but i was too shy... hehehhehehhe! =P
Met his parents and sister and hug him... argh... it was so nice to see him again. The feeling was just undescrible.
I spent the 1st week at starbuck coffee. He had to work and so.. i waited for him at starbuck cafe and did some of my work too. =)
He took leave and we spend our time shopping, walking/scolling around the area, sliding down cliff, making snow man, watching movies in the night and reading. Calgary is big and spaceous but because the population was small, transportation was quite bad and most of the time Felix have to drive around. OH.. and i drove in Calgary. The rivers were all frozen and it actually looks kinda nice to me.. hehehe.. and the place was quiet and peaceful. We trained too. YEs. Track training. It was indoor track and i had to trained next to the ice rink. The first training was bad because it was too cold and i kept on coughing and my throat was so dry! It get better after a few training though. hehe.. And we have med ball conditioning everytime after training... **Faint** I DONT LIKE MED BALL..coz it was so heavy..But.. it's actually good for me.. hahhaha.. =P hehehe.. Argh... During Christmas period, i had to train under his house basement... because the track wasnt open.. Felix's dad call it the "torture Chamber".. LOLX!
Anyway, We spent our christmas at home because everywhere were closed. People are just getting ready for Boxing day sale! hehehe.. I visited his relatives and had dinners with them.. hehe.. i actually find it strange because this is the first time i am in a room
full of chinese people...BUT everyone were speaking with a Ang Mo slang.. It just feels so weird.. hehehe.. really. =P
We went Paranoma to snow ski.. Yes. I know how to snow ski! =P Felix and his dad taught me and it was really fun... I tried the 1st level of the blue 'mountain'? IT WAS SCARY AND DANGEROUS!! We spend 3 days 2 nights at the place.. the 1st and the last day were mostly travelling because it's a 3 hrs journey between Crowfoot and Paranoma.. We also stopped over for lunch.. I'm not sure which town we were at but it's really a nice place.. maybe it's called Banff? The buildings were closer together and it kinda makes it look nicer and cosy.. hehe.. Nothing much to do there except for skiing and eating... =P AND!! Felix's mum have to force felix to bring me to the hot spring..hehehe!! Well.. he was really tired after a whole day of skiing i guess! =P We watched "the swan" during one of the night. it's really a gd movie! Love it..
The final week was planning what we are going to do next.. Well.. probably, i may move in June or Sept.. earliest June. I am actually looking forward to being with him and also excited because this will be my first time living abroad..moving out of my parent's place. Well, as much as i love my parents, i hate living with someone that always give me "negative" energy. Living under one roof with him is stressful. Although he is my brother, sometimes he just do things too much. Sometimes, i dont even feel like i'm his sister. Anyways,
I want to bring Jack over with me too. As you know my dad just went for operation and i guess it's going to take a long time for him to recover and especially with Jack, he is too playful and gets excited easily. Jack might injure him?
Another thing is, should i study or should i work? Well.. if i can get a job, i would rather work. It's definitely easier for me because i can provide allowance for my parents and wont be afraid that i dont have enough money to spend! Studying would be gd too because i will be studying something that i like and getting a cert that will allow me to get a job there easier and doing what i really want? Suddenly, i just wish that i struck lottery so that i do not need to worry about such things. i did applied for some jobs when i was there but till now, they havent get back to me. The chances of me getting a job there is really low but WHO KNOWS! Maybe someone will want me... it'll be an asset to their company okie?! =P hehehe..
He is really sweet.. on the last few days, he remembered me saying that i always buy bunny soft toy when i'm visit another country.. And initially i wasnt thinking of getting one this time round because i had too many at home and my mum was complaining about it... AND he bought me a soft toy bunny... hehehe!! I was surprised that he got me that because it never come across my mind that he will get me something like that. Well.. usually, there is always a reason for him?! =P hehehhe.. He was really funny because he insisted that i buy green tea fappicino while he get something for himself... When i returned, and because the queue was so long, it feels like he was hiding away from me, but i wasnt thinking too much, so i wander around myself till i couldnt find anything to do and so i went up to him.. His expression looks like he was caught doing something and he got no choice but to show it to me... hahahhahaha!! Really!! He is really cute.
Time flew really fast and i have to take another long journey home..
I wish i'm still there with him...
Finally it's December... well, actually time passes by really quickly.. So many things to do over the last few weeks of the term.. I'm looking forward to my break because i can get to see my love.. But sadly, somehow i think we kinda drifted? or was it just guys that are less emotional? I dont know. I hardly talk to him and even when we talked on the phone, it will be during his working hours and that's where he cant really speak to me and i'm like the one doing the talking all the time.. it seems like I hardly know him anymore...I mean i can take years to understand someone but am i doing the right stuff now? You know sometimes you worried about things and it doesnt really help when both are so far apart and maybe sometimes it's really not what i am thinking?? arghhh...
Tell me what should i do? Both of us are like so used to the being busy so that time can fly faster.. but will we lost track of time? and lose everything? The other time my cousin was telling me that some of his friends got so used to a long distance relationship becuase they are hardly together and when they are finally together they cant stand each other..,. because they got to used to having their own space own freedom... =( i really dont want that to happen to the both of us.. Why cant life just be more simple?
He used to write me 'love' msg.. Ok... only twice.. But that was really sweet.. and i tried telling him but maybe i dont know how to put across... If guys are less emotional, should they tried to be a little so that they can understand how we are feeling? or should they just let it pass by saying they are less emotional? i dont get it. U know. In the past, if guys starts to say things like that, it means that they are losing interest in you. Seriously. So.. what am i supposed to feel right now? or what is he feeling right now? Too many things to worry about and it just makes me more frustrated.. Maybe we can sort it out when i'm there... i dont know... =(
Mum couldnt withstand the weather. She was so cold all the time!! =P Oops! The hot water bag that i've brought wasnt useful enough.. Couldnt keep hot drink for long.. But anyway, they're back in Singapore and when asked my mum if she would like to visit that place again, she said "NO!" hehehehhee! =P
We visited alot of places.. you will get to see all the pictures in facebook. Mum especially love switzerland because it was very green and the areas were all very mountainess! =P Had alot of chinese food there.. All thanks to Raymond, our tour guide.. But well.. mum loves it.. because she hate western food! =P hehehhe.. saw lotsa of beautiful building and castles.. and special town like vernice.. we were lucky because while we were there, the place was not flooded. Took lotsa of pictures of leaning tower and effiel tower.. while we were in Paris, there happened to have a strike but we wasnt affected at all. It's a waste that we didnt manage to see the strike take place.. i would love to see it happen because you dont get to see this kind of thing everywhere!.. Well.. not in Singapore! While i was in Paris, i also experience theft. YEs. Someone tried to steal my phone.. The turkish kids..DAMN it.. They were so young yet so daring! Luckily my phone wasnt stolen because I stopped it! =P ooo..First time ever in Disney Europe..Took pictures with Mickey mouse and dad even hug Mickey mouse! SO CUTE! it's like the 2 senior having fun in disney land! CUTE! =P
I also bought lots of things.. 2 tops from H&M.. Surprisingly i never buy bra in H&M this time round! =P and longchamp bag n Gucci Bag and wallet.. hehehhee.. =P Lotsa Goodies! =P Mum also bought for herself a Gucci Bag.. =) ta-da!
Talking about that..That's where me and my bro started quarrelling. After the long wait and everything, we finally got our Gucci bags and headed out of the shop.. There's when we realised that my bro have been nagging about if we're able to pay the bills. I wonder whey would he ever think about that. We buy things that we can afford. Things that we can pay. If he was so worried, why apply for a subcard for me? He kept nagging till my dad got pissed off. My dad was nagging and nagging and i got really furious. Why? I dont know the reason behind all these. In the night, i threw the card at him and said if you do not want me to have this card or are afraid of me overspending it, dont apply it at all! Why bother applying for it and have all these trouble. He threw back at me and dare me to break the card. I almost wanted to. Then i thought, what if i need to pay the bill and needed my credit card. And for some reason, he turn back, pointed his finger at me in my face and sarcarsticilly said, "I am a doctor. I can earn alot more money then you. You are just nothing." Can u imagine?!? YOur bro telling that to me. Volcano erupted, I screamed back saying that i dont need so much money i do what i like i like what i do enough to feed my parents, that's enough.. I got so angry that after saying all these, i smack his back. He turned around, started punching me. Luckily for me, i was standing on the bed and kicked him. If i was on the floor, same level as him, i think he would have punched my face. Then mum came in the room. He started complaining saying i started the fight... blah blah blah.. I told my mum what he have said and he SAID HE DIDNT! F**K. Denying the fact that he pointing his finger and sacarsitilly said that his sister is nothing, cannot earn much money.
After which, we changed our room. I couldnt stand sharing the same bedroom with him. HE RUINED everything. My parents were supposed to have their own room, enjoy their trip. Later on, i found out from my mum that he said that i've said things like.. "WanLing got no status to carry a LV bag." I NEVER SAID THIS. And i would never say this kind of things. NV. When i was helping him so much, yet he put words in my mouth. Nice. The fact that he kept on repeatly asking if he should get a LV bag for Wanling when Wanling already told him if he got her a LV bag she will be very unhappy with him is IRRITATING AND ANnoying. SO i told him, since wanling is young and didnt wanted him to get her any expensive things, i thought Longchamp would be a good birthday gift. HAS THIS SENTENCE LINK TO NO STATUS TO CARRY A LV BAG? If you like to question me so much, dont ask! SEriously dont bother asking! Why ask? and Constantly asking??? i've to bear with all your childish nonosence all the time and yet being bad mouth by you????? This is seriously ridiculous! I swear i would never want to have this kind of brother. ALways thinks that friends are the most important people in their life and doubt his own family members? Seriously, i am very upset. I feel very hurted. I can stand up for him. But he will never stand up for me.
He who said that he did not drive the car at 60km/hr when the car accident happened, finally admitted it during the tour trip infront of the other pple.. Saying, "of course, i wont let them know i drove at high speed." Do u know how much newspaper father have to delivery to buy you that car. GIVE YOU THE CAR. When dad was heartbroken, you said that you didnt want to upset him but "Evolve" was way better than madza 6? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? Ha
I dont feel proud at all even if you're a doctor. I feel ashamed. What if your education is higher, your salary is higher? your EQ are zero.
You treat your family members like shit. Sad to say. I hope one day you will realise that dad n mum really treasure you as their son. And they have high hopes on you. Please do not let them down because once you regret, it may be too late.
you've taken them for granted. you nv appreciate what they have done for you. Simple things like getting breakfast for you, getting dinner for you or switching on your room air-con before you're even home, driving your car to the nearest lift point. This is the love you will never see and you treated all these as things they should do for you. Have you ever blame yourself for things that have happened?
I'm scare of you.
To me, you're inhuman.
To me, you're not my idol. I see you are the worse of the worst i have ever seen.
Few months ago, we were talking about having 9 weeks of training before singapore open. Right now, it's already the last week and my competition is this coming SUNDAY! God.. i think i also injured my nerve.. somehow.. Coach says maybe while i was stretching, i over-stretched it.. Bad.. Damn... Last saturday competition wasnt good for me although i still came in 1st.. Position was nothing because my competitors werent strong and the night before i went out for drink with cousin.. the next morning have to get up really early.. and not enough time for warm up because Yong Hui woke up late.. by the time i reach the school, i only left with less than half an hour for warm up and drills and measurement... =P But seriously speaking, i dont really have to mood to compet.. im looking forward to Singapore Open although i know i'm not going to win and chances of getting last is super high.. it's more fun and challenging.. =P hehehhee! =P
I wonder if my parents will go and watch my competition.. Hmm.. i invited Edwin and some of my friends to watch my competition.. BUT of course not to watch me.. but to watch and see how other jumps.. i believe those that are there will be those with standard.. =) Debbie wanted to learn long jump.. so i told her to come.. Edwin is to let him have the feeling of competition.. Not sure if Marla and Rabia would come.. hehe.. i'm not in the good shape to jump properly.. So asking them to watch is a little embrassessing.. =P hehehe.. well...lalalala..
The other day Debbie was asking when im leaving Singapore.. i told her i wasnt sure.. i mean it could be MArch, June, Sept.. or maybe another year.. it really depends though.. she told me not to leave and stay and teach her long jump.. seriously i dont mind coaching her long jump.. but am i really good enough to coach yet? hmm...
Yesterday was HuiNi's baby 1st month celebration and Vanessa wedding dinner.. Whole day of good food! hehe.. Dinner was good and finally saw Minli after so long.. hehehe.. still the same old minli and hopefully can meet her up soon!! And VANESSA was so PRETTY yesterday!! =) Her hairdo and her grown was so beautiful! i felt happy for her because i know she found a gd husband. Dinner was really good food although the ambience was alright.. food is still important! 2nd half of the dinner was funny, kelvin(van's husband) and van dance through the red carpet to the stage and finally gave speeches and 'toss'? to the new couple.. =) Vanessa was complaining they were supposed to walk halfway, do a pose before they start to dance.. but everything got cock up and they have to dance the whole of the walkway.. hehehe! So cute! Although there's alot of cock up but over all it was still funny.. She lost to Maybel because Maybel bet that she will cry while giving her speech.. hehhee.. We were called up at the end of the ceremony to catch the bauquet of flower... hehehhe.. everyone was moving away and were so afraid to catch it.. i was neutral because it doesnt really mean anything to me... haha.. And maybel caught it!! hehe.. Let's hope that her wedding will be NEXT! While on the table, the other girl was saying everyone was moving back because it was so embrassessing coz there was only a few of us standing at the middle of the walkway just to catch the flower... -_-'' But someone actually said that her hand was the longest to want to catch the flower... =P hehehhehe!! ALAMAK.. but i would believe too because on the table she was talking about marriage, wedding and who's next and the way she talks about it can really make you sense that she long for one too.. hehhe..=P gossip gossip gossip.. hehe.. But it's funny!!
Anyway, Vanessa's wedding album was nice.. i love most of the gown she was wearing.. some were really sexy! Woo Hooo!! =P hehehe! Nice..
Congralution to Vanessa!! =D
I havent see my darling for long time.. ever since he started working.. Time conflict. but whatever.. I only got Jack right now.. It's getting more and more depressing because i dont really get to see him and even when i see him, it's only for a while.. sometimes there're things that i want to share with him but till we got the chance to see each other, i was wordless,. i forgot what i wanted to tell him.. sometimes it's just the matter of timing and it's not like something that we must remember or that important to have to tell him.. But it's just something i wish i could share with him but somehow i just forget about it and everytime i will only recall after the conversation ends..Sux! ya.. i know.. i dont really know what's going on now.. feels like it's losing connection.. Will it just disappear one day? =( i dont know.. just let nature take it's course? It feels like the parents are not encouraging at all too.. maybe it's just at this moment.. maybe it will be better soon.. argh... =(
That day during Hui ni's baby celebration, i went up to wei zhu's place to visit her little rabbit.. he is so timid.. it's hard to pet him..But eventually i get to pet him.. the fur was so soft.. same as bunny's.. the small also feels like bunny.. i misses bunny again.. misses petting him.. awww...
Maybe this week stress starts from yesterday.. when coach told me i still cant hang and need speed to jump.. i was thinking, "then this isnt jumping anymore. it's just running fast and jump.." Argh.. Wings sign me up for 11th Sept inter-club competition and 19th Sept for Singapore Open.. Yea.. Means i get to compete in Singapore Open. This time round i'm aiming for 5.3m.. i'm not sure if i can do it.. But just try! =)
Have been busy with work for Flea Market and it's tml.. i just couldnt sleep now because... Jeffery came to our place because he was sick and he mischeviously tune the alarm clock in my parent's room and it rang around 2.30am just now. My dad thought it was 6.30am n the morning so brought Jack for his usual walk and mum switched off my air-con while i was still trying my best to sleep. And because of the heavy rain and strong wind, there're usual sounds that is extremely annoying and noisy coming out from my bro's room. -_-''' And my stomach and back is not helping much. !!! Stomach air and back pain.... WHY?! when i've to wake up super early tml and work till late just now! It seems like i have no peace till tomorrow night.
One thing i hate about work is when i havent end the current one, other thing start adding in. I've been busying with Flea Market. And they wanted me to come out with Track Suit design for Prime Kids, then want me to find out who have 2 siblings in the gym that are both doing competitive training. I think there's more. It's just that i cant remember for nw!!! ARgh!! Too many unfinish things can keep my mind awake too. Singapore Custom still havent got back to me yet and i have this current "outstanding" offend that was caused by Prime.. Or maybe by that stupid shipping company. ArGH!
As i was telling people how not political my workplace is, i want to take back my words. I am beginning to feel there's some stupid politics issues in the company. Good things also ends fast or maybe i was just too slow...
"Just stop complaining about your work! You took it up, be professional, work it out and dont use others as your arrows!"
Damn.. i dont know if i'm just too sensitive or am i really sensing something. To me, i felt that as long as i finish my work at the end of the day, i have my rights to do some of the things i want. And you cant really expect me to work for the whole freaking time while i was at work. I mean depending on what kind of work though.. If they really want to compare, why dont just work as an admin staff? And besides, i've worked more than an admin staff. i do other things like accounts and marketing, and some event coordinator or maybe poster designer? little things that added up all together. I mean.. you cant really compare and measure my work and your's unless you're the same position as me? So why.. Sometimes, some people just like to drop small comments that are really irritating! argh!!! I should just state clearly. Sorry, I am not under you. And i can say that i work more efficient than most of the Singaporean would. Getting things done ASAP. Or maybe our manager should state things more clearly. For eg, things that i need to do and things that i dont need to? But to me, if i need to help you, i usually wil help but sometimes i will also back off because that's what you need to do and i dont help because i dont want people to get too use to it by keeping on asking help from other people. There's a line. yea? Or maybe i should just be.. Dont Care, Dont ask, Dont listen and cant be bothered? hehehe! Argh!! I wanted to say it out, talk to pple about it but i'm not really good with words. Blog gave me the freedom to blog down whatever i am feeling and slowly writing everything out.. i think.. even so.. sometimes i never really complete what i says.. i may have more things that i nv add in.. Why like that?! hehehe..
Anyway, I havent really tell anyone except my bf that there's this junior jumper in SP that looks so much like my ex-bf, samuel! MY goodness... Tall, small eyes, vampire tooth.. Eeee..!!! just look smiliar.. Damn. How can they look so alike?
Received my bf sms.. He talks about finding a job and wish that i was there sooner. I wish i was there too.. Maybe i have thought too much of wanting to go over that's why i feeling so sick of my workplace now? Sometimes, going there means starting all over again..which is good because i dont want to work as a admin staff. And i will be able to do what i really want? Animal police officer or Animal rescuer? Although he already got a job, he needs to be stable too.. and he just started.. I still have to have 3 mths notice before i can leave the comany.. Have i got enough money to move over.. because i dont want to just depend on him..Or what if something happened in between us.. ?? What if.. but Choi... =P my past relationship makes me expect things lesser.. i nv expect much out of it but because i've to move overseas and not overland... which definitely will have a little concern over it.
it's kinda weird and makes me feel useless and like a bump.. AE.... i mean what if i really cant find a job after 3 mths or after 6 mths.. my parents are waiting for me to feed them too... And what about Jack? I want to bring him over too. But Brydon says that it's too stressful to move a dog over to Canada.. and also what if things doesnt turns out well.. Jack will have to spend another 24hrs taking the plane back to Singapore? hhehehe! ARgh! I am not pesstimistic now.. it's just...What if! Or maybe i could just settle this issue quickly actually.. just dont bring him over yet unless i'm there for a year...Hmm..if i'm there for a year already.. will he be too comfortable with my parents and will be upset when he move over to Canada? My mum did told me before to bring Jack to wherever i go.. Hmmmmmmm............ ??????? How ...man....???!!!
I am really hungry now.... Macdonald Breakfast? hehhee... =P
Recently, everything is like boiling! Not sure if it's too much fast food or too much unhealthy food and lack of sleep.. Slept the whole afternoon after i came back from Baby Alysia's one month party on Saturday but not enough!!..Sunday wanted to go for YOG but found out that long and triple jump events are already over. No point going, so head home to train and celebrated Dennis birthday.. Bought him a race car.. His definitely happy with his new toy! Work Hectic, staying late at work and training. Off day wasnt really off day because i have to do other important stuff too! argh!
19th Sept, last day of work, and also SINGAPORE OPEN! i'm going to take part in the Womens Long Jump event.. Couldnt do it for triple jump.. Because the take off board would be 11m...? ya.. i havent hit 11m.. i want too but i cant... ...YET? =( Argh... i need a more permanent coach.. but i cant give any committment because i have work committment too.. =(
Work internet havent been working.. told my boss, ask him for the important things.. but he told me call Singnet. Just that.."call Singnet".. I tried my best, look for ID or whatever shit i can get from the stupid modem.. But still the person wanted user ID or ADSL no.... -_-''' Calling up Singnet was the most crazy thing ever. Eg. For English press 1, if you're calling for billing enquires....press1....press 1...press0...press...PRESS PRESS PRESS..
Toni stayed over my place for a few days before moving to ToaPayoh. She decided not to take up the Bishan Room.. Coz she was saying British prefer to stay in a flat with pple they know and because Elaine might be looking for a room too.. And there may be new coach coming in in Term 4.. Therefore, they can rent a flat tgt instead.. hmm..Sounds good though.. =)
Havent really have a chance to talk to my bf since Last last Saturday? ae.. yea.. plus company internet down and him working.. and when finally have the time, he is busy with interview and need to study more.. argh.. =( Why cant he just spare 10 to 15mins of his time? =( My heart just sank again. Maybe i can explain this feeling now.. Sad and disappointed? Maybe.. Maybe i shouldnt think so much now..
Today while i was washing my cup, i was thinking... my English is so lousy.. Will i be able to get a job if i go over to Canada? Is it not meant to be? Sometimes, some thoughts just makes people go crazy. I want to study but right now, everytime i come home from work, i'm a little exhausted.. what more if i train too. I basically have not much time and i need to sleep to recover. Well.. unless i can just sleep 6hrs a day.. if it is so, maybe i still have a little time that i can spare... =( Seems tough now though... =( mon, wed, thurs, sat track training, Tue gymnastics training.. Fri and Sunday rest day but Fri is a long day for me.. oh man..i need more time so that i can do more things now...Argh...
I guess i'm sure that i'll not be at my best form in the Singapore Open..But.. i shall just do my best for this year.. Hopefully get another PB! and do well for next year.. =) I know i can.
it's just a bad day for me today. I wanted to talk to my bf but he is too busy. =(
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